Tuesday 10:21 10/1/03

More troubles to day. Had problems duplicating dvd copies of "Pete's Old Men" just couldn't get a perfect copy. Guess I'll have to get another master disk made. There's always something. But did go to the gym. And saw new guy naked. He was chubby, with a mustache, about 68 yo. He had a thick dick and big balls, real big balls. I'm surprised how many of these old men have big balls. L... the little skinny old man in his eighties (the one with the thick dick and big dick head) has a nice set of balls too. I only got a brief glance at his big dick head, but he had his ass turn to me and was bending over and I got a hell of a look at his balls and nice hairy asshole. As far as the work out, I had a really good one. I'm slowly getting back in shape.

The old man from Davie called me today. I'm going to his house tomorrow at 11:00. Wonder what he will look like. He said he is 68 and I suspect he'll be slim. Hope he and I get to play a little if he's my type. Will not know that until I see him. It's always like a blind date. But at least if he's not my type, I can still take pictures of him for the website.

There's a lot of pictures of old men having sex with women being posted around the net. The pictures turns me on. Wish I could find some old guy that want to have sex with women and could also find a woman to perform on camera. I've fuck a few women and would do it on camera. Maybe some day I connect with a woman willing and able.

I remember the two chambers maids that I fucked when Deiter and I had the motel in Franconia, NH. The first one was our head chamber maid. He was a fiery red head named Ann. She was in her forties, skinny and short. I well remember the fist time I fucked her. Dieter was gone shopping and she was in the kitchen reading one of my straight porno books that I had given her. She had been doing that in front of both us for a couple of days.

Well it was winter and I told her let's go in the living room and read. So she followed me into the living room. I set at one end of the room and she set facing me at the other end. We were both reading a porno novel. Well I got turn on by what I was reading. So, I stopped reading and looked over at Ann and told her that I had a dick bigger then the guy I was reading about. And with that I unzipped my pants and pulled my hard dick out. She cried out what was I doing. So, I put my dick back in my pants. Then we went back reading but after a few minutes later she called out for me show it again. Well I just walked over and grabbed by the hand and lead her upstairs to Dieter's and my bedroom.

We undress. Even though I knew she was a woman, I was still shocked to see her with a pussy between her legs instead of a dick. I climbed on the bed and straddle her hips. She hadn't pulled up her sweater, so I couldn't see her tits and I didn't want to. Also I had no intentions of kissing her. I just wanted to stick my big dick into her.

God, she was tight. She had been fucked lots of time, but guess not with a fat dick. It took me a few minutes before I could work all of my dick inside her. Then once inside her pussy juices started flowing, and I began to fuck her hard and fast. It was fun! Not as much as having sex with a old man, but still something different. I fucked here a few more times, once eating here pussy, before he stole some money from us and moved down to Florida.

The other chamber maid I fucked was an old woman in her 70's that worked for us. Her name was Flo. She was tall but skinny with big tits. I had been flirting with her for a long time but never actually touching her. Then when Dieter when on a trip to New York City, I was sitting in the living room watching a porno move when she finished cleaning the rooms of the guests that had checked out and came in to ask if there was anything else I wanted her to do before she left. Well, I didn't turn the video off. I let it run as we chatted. The old lady started watching the straight couple fucking and even committed that the guy in the video had a big dick.

That was my cue. I told her if she wanted to see a big cock to look at mine and with those words I pulled my dick out. The old woman watched me as I played with me dick. I got so turned on exposing myself to her that I jacked myself off in front of her. Well over the next few day I would pull my dick out when ever I could catch her alone and play with myself in front of her. I never touched her. Just jacked my dick while she watched. But finally I asked if I could fuck her and she let me. But it wasn't much fun. She couldn't even take half of my dick inside her pussy. Really don't know why I could get it all inside of her. After that I just amused myself by exposing myself to her and jacking off.

Does that make me bi sexual? I don't think so. Sure I would fuck an old woman again if she look a certain way. But it wouldn't be much different that jacking off. I couldn't have real sex with a woman, you know kiss one or make love to one but I would use an old woman's hole again if I got a chance.

Thursday 9:32 10/02/03

Well, didn't make it to the gym this morning because I had an appointment to take pictures of Tony. He was a very nice guy and it was a fun shoot. He's got a wonderful dick as you can see in the picture. He lives in Davie, FL and his telephone # is (945)822 1055. He is looking for a long term relationship with some one 50+. Please be 50 or over and serious if you call him.

Yes, I did get to play around with his big dick a little. You know placing it the position I wanted for the photo. Would really enjoy going back when I'm not taking pictures of him, but I'm not looking for a LTR. Too bad a couple of hours with him would be fun. Wish I could meet a big dick old man like him in Wynmoor.

Got new master copies of my dvd's so am back in business. I am going to put together a new video called My Old Men. It will have the session I had with Sam, the second session I had with Jay, and the session I had with Mack. It will be 60 minutes and will be on dvd only. Hope to put it together next week. And hope to put Pete's Sexy Old Men on dvd next week also. So have some projects. But when I'm making dvd's the webcam isn't on. I can't do both at one.

Saturday 8:12 10/04/03

Yesterday was busy as was today. But I did get to the gym yesterday and had a damn hard work out, maybe too much, but what the hell. Saw L...'s (little skinny old man) big headed dick and balls again. He says hello to me now... I'm beginning to think he is pushing 90yo. But, heck, he still working out everyday. Spend most of the rest of the day putting together the new video "My Old Men" It has the shoot with Sam and the second shoot with Jay and the shoot with a hot nice looking daddy name Mack. It came out great! It's 60 minutes. Here's a link to the stills "My Old Men" . And rushed it to the production company for a master. While I'm at it might as well add links to stills from the other videos. "Older Men-Take One", "Older Men-Take Two", "Pete's Old Men", and "Pete's Sexy Old Men" With "Pete's Sexy Old Men" I spent today editing a new version for DVD as it was only on vcd. Really packed the dvd version with action! I think it came out great.

E-mail Sam and Nakedwilly. Am going to do another shoot with both of them together later his month. I am going to make as kinky as I can. Hope to have some fucking, sucking, rimming, dildo fucking, and ws in the shoot. If someone in the Fort Lauderdale area wants to join the shoot let me know. I need a top that can fuck on camera! I'm going to try, but cum I can, fuck . . . I don't know. Both nakedwilly and Sam love to get fucked. If you are interested send me an e-mail at hroland @ bellsouth.net. I can't put a link to my e-mail address as I don't get the e-mails. Have had a problem and didn't even know it until someone said that they sent me seven e-mail about passwords and I realized there must be a problem with the e-mail links on the website and there was. I guess I know hot to set up the pop3 server. What I don't know about computers is vastly more that what I know. So if you have used an e-mail link on the website to sent me a message in the past, well I didn't get it.

Anyway, to get back to the shoot coming up near the end of the month. I think it is going to be fun. I do think that nakedwilly is one sexy man. I would love to see him walking up and down the rows of seats at the Pussycat Theater in Hollywood complete naked as he does when he goes there. (he doesn't call himself nakedwilly for nothing! Hls dick is a beauty. It is so thick! I swear it is twice as thick as it looks in pictures. And he makes it rock hard! Yes, yes, yes looking forward to getting together with him and Sam. Speaking of Sam, he has some monster balls!

Today was spent doing a new version of "Pete's Sexy Old Men" and damn did I get horny looking at the scenes with Vince, Dale, Jim and NakedWilly. They are all hot men!

I didn't go to the gym today. Yesterday Dieter complained of double vision and dizziness and slept most all day in bed. This morning he wasn't any better so we didn't go to the gym. I would have gone but really wanted to get the new version of "Pete's Sexy Old Men" finished. Might have been fun being in the gym alone. Would certainly have lingered longer in the locker room and certainly would have gone into the sauna. I haven't gone in yet as I know that Dieter wouldn't like it if I did. Some of the old men go in with shorts on but a lot go in naked. Will, I'll make it in there (naked) sometime in the furture.

A guy that read the journal e-mailed me today. Said he was 61 and fucking a couple of women in the 70's and wanted to know if I was interested in fucking them. I told him sure but only if I could film it as part of an old men old women video. I would love to do it and fuck the two old women on camera. There's a lot of guy interested in watching older men fucking older women and I am one of them. I really don't think they will be interested in doing a video, but who knows. Just might get my thick dick in an old pussy again.

We were going to go to the Tropics yesterday, but like I said before, Dieter was feeling up to it. Damn, I'm really getting to be a stay at home body! Need a trip to the Pussycat! Or maybe a few hours at The Clubhouse II! There are just too many old gay seniors around here for me to go long without a little strange sex. Well, I did have that shoot on Thursday. But gee that was three days ago. Seems like a life time since I saw a new dick when in fact it has only been three days. Hell, when you are horny, you are damn horny. Jacking off is an option and not a bad idea.

Ok, now to that option I was talking about!

Sunday 6:45 PM 10/05/03

Dieter was feeling better this morning. His double vision and dizziness was gone. So after a late breakfast we went to the swap shop market on 441 in Margate. And of course I had to take a piss (sometime a prostate problem comes in handy). Again I got to see an old man playing with his dick. The guy was unshaven (a four days growth of gray whiskers) and looked to be about 70. He was a very dark skinned old Latino. And he was standing up at one of the urinals near the center of the line of urinals with a roaring hard on. The old man must have been a real pervert or a little touched in the head because he wasn't making any effort hiding his dick while he jacked himself off. And let me tell you he had one of the longest dicks I've ever seen. It wasn't thick, in fact it was skinny, but damn was his uncut dick long. For once I didn't care who saw me watching someone jack off. I stepped up to the urinal on the right side of the old Latino and just stared down at him pumping away at his long uncut dick. And when the old Latino notice that he had my attention he smiled a toothless smile at me as he shot off a big load of thick white cum in the urinal. Damn, that was exciting. I swear that seeing something like that sometimes is more exciting than actually having sex. And let me tell you the moment Dieter and I got back home, I went into the bathroom and jacked off while the image of the old Latino's long dick cum spurting dick was still fresh in my mind.

Have been getting lots of order for my latest video "My Old Men" and had to used the web cam computer all morning to duplicate copies and will have to do the same for several days until I make enough copies to meet my orders. Will do my first shoot for the next video on Wednesday. I've taken pictures of the guy before and now he wants to be in a video. He is a little guy with a big uncut dick and big balls. Will be fun sucking him and having him suck me. This will be the first segment of "Pete's Kinky Old Men" will start it off plain vanilla and then move in to more kinky scenes when I do a shoot with Sam and Nakedwilly. Had another buy from central Fl that contacted me today and wants to be in the video. He 61 and slim with a mustache. He has a nice uncut dick. In the video he will be rimming and then jack off while being pissed on. Hey, it going to be called "Pete's Kinky Old Men" so I've go to have some kink.

Would love to find some more kinky old men to be in it. BUT DON'T NEED MORE BOTTOMS! And I need old men that look like old men and not some old gym rat. I need some fleshy old men. Damn, isn't there some old men out there that can fuck! Guess there are few and far between are at least none that are exhibitionist because that's what you have to be to want to be in a video. I'm certain one. Guess I'm going to have to use some younger guys to fuck the horny old men.

I'm sitting here on the enclosed porch and looking out the window and the clouds are pinkish/purple as the sun sets. Damn it a great sunset. What a place South Florida is to live. And Wynmoor is one of the best 55+ condo communities. I even like it better than pricy Palm Aire (over priced) or Cypress Bend (Very over priced and to damn close to the railroad tracks and the noise). Would certainly like more gays to move in! Two bedroom go from the low 80's to the high 90's and the prices are going up. It's still a great buy compared to Palm Aire and Cypress Bend.

Monday 9:17 10/5/03

Damn, I'm tired tonight. I didn't get to bed until 1:30 AM last night. My oldest computer died, well it wouldn't start and then I restarted it at the factory specs... and of course lost all of the pictures I had stored. Oh, that's live. So, instead of starting over with on old computer I went out and bought a new one. And of course had to spend the rest of the day trying to load my soft ware on it and of course finding that something don't work. But at least it too as a dvd burner so I can now burn dvd without turning off the web cam. And damn, I think each computer has a different personality and it really takes a little time to learn how to work with them.

So, needless to say I didn't go to the gym. Will go tomorrow, I think, and probably alone as Dieter says he feels to tried to go to the gym. I was wondering just how long it would take him to stop going. I knew he wouldn't keep it up. Well, I can certainly hang around the locker room longer and now go into the sauna. Could become interesting.

Picked up the master copy of "My Old Men" and been busy coaxing copies out of my new computer with some up graded software I had to download because the dvd burner is a newer edition and my dvd burner soft wouldn't recognize it. Was planning to take a trip to Alabama this month, but will have to put it off until November as I'm getting so many orders for the new dvd than I can't take off long enough for the trip.

Got that shoot on Wednesday. Damn, hope I don't forget it! It has happened before. My memory isn't what it used to be and my mind seems to be of the one track variety. Can't seem to keep more than one thing in it at a time and that one thing is usually old men! You would think that all the pictures of naked old men I see that they wouldn't turn me on any more. Well, it just the opposite. I get so damn turned on in the morning looking at pictures from the yahoo groups that I get a hard on and have to run to the bathroom and jack off. Good thing that I can usually come three of four times a day.

I was going to stop by Fern Park, but knew it was going to take me all day to get the new computer half way working, so I didn't stop. Now that's dedication to the website! Ok, so I have shoot on Wednesday, but would love to hook up with an old man today. Maybe, I'll stop by Fern Park tomorrow when I come back from picking up the master copy of "Pete's Sexy Old Men" that I am finally putting on dvd. You know, I really get turned on watching my own videos as I remember what it was like having sex with each of the old men. And it's fun to be able to watch a movie of it.

Ok, it bedtime for this horny old men. Damn, wish I could look through the computer and see how many old men are naked out there reading my journal. Hell, I bet some are almost as horny as I am. And I bet there's some sky old men that I would die to meet. Being shy reminds me of a little old man I had sex with in "Pete's Sexy Old Men." I really don't know why he answered my ad. He's the short hair old guy with the bald head and small dick, I think it's the second segment of the video. He didn't want any contact information. I couldn't send out pictures of him in promo's. And he said he only liked twinks! But still he got naked and let me suck him a little before ramming a small dildo up his hairy ass and jacking his little dick off. Hell, half way through the shoot he asked me to turn the camera off. I nodded yes but kept it running. If I hadn't I would have missed his cum shot. He was nice. I would like to shoot another scene with him. Yes, it's nice when I can just pop the video into the player and relive the moments. Damn, I think I am going to have to jack off before going to bed.

Tuesday 9:05 PM 10/10/07

Could have gone to the gym alone this morning, but had too many things to get done... go pick up the master dvd for "Pete's Sexy Old Men"... mail videos ... and go food shopping. So didn't go to the gym. Tomorrow I probably will go. Haven't worked out in about four days! I'm having withdrawal symptoms. I've got to see some straight dick and soon. Well I did see an old man's dick today at Fern Park on my way back from Sunrise to pick up the dvd master. I stopped in there hoping to see more than ferns and got my wish.

To be honest the old man was trying to get the attention of a young black man in a white van, but the black guy was interest in another young white guy parked near him in a red truck. It was sort of funny the way the old man, he looked in his 60's, was standing at the edge of the woods rubbing his crotch as he stared at the black guy in the white van. But he finally gave up and when he walked toward his car, which I had parked beside, I got out and nodded my head toward him. When I had his attention, I grouped my crotch.

The old man was wearing shorts. I like his smooth strong, hairless legs. I also admired his full head of almost white hair. His face was tanned and clean shaven, but deeply lined. And as he approached me I noticed that his hands were rough and his fingernails dirty. I figured he was a maintenance man at some condo.

I could tell I was too old for the guy, but I could also tell that he was horny enough not to let my age stand in the way of getting off. I finally just came out and asked his if he would like his cock sucked. The old man said yes and I told him to follow me. We went deep enough into the woods to be out of sight of the parking area. Then the old man unzipped his shorts and pulled out his dick. It was small and uncut but cute. So after telling him to keep an eye out, I dropped to my knees and started sucking the old man's little dick. As I have said before, I enjoy sucking a little dick. I enjoy looking at pictures of big dick and even seeing them in person, but damn some of them are just beyond my ability to deep throat. I never had a lover with a big dick . . . not Frank and not Dieter. So my experience sucking big dicks is sucking strangers dicks. Guess if I had a big dick to suck on a regular basics, I would become be able to handle one better.

Well, the old man's dick was small enough that I could do anything I wanted to do with it. I deep throated it while running my tongue up and down his dick shaft. Damn, I had the old man moaning and hunching my face like crazy. I wanted him to see that I might not be a young good looking stud but I could damn sure get him off with the best of them. I would have enjoy to have had him in bed and kissed him all over and really make love to him, but I also enjoyed just sucking the old man's dick out in the woods. I enjoyed the sense of danger that having sex in a public place carries with it. And I enjoyed the thrill of sucking a stranger's dick. I think having a stranger cum in your mouth while you look up at him with his dick buried in your mouth  is one of the best thrills in life. So when the old man shoot his big load of cum into my mouth, I was in heaven. But my moment of euphoria didn't last long as the old man jerked his dick out of my mouth and fled with me still kneeling on the ground. Funny how some people react after they cum. I guess in my youth I used to do something like that, but now I'm still willing to please my partner even after I have gotten off.

Tomorrow, I have that shoot with the little guy with the big dick. Funny, but I really don't look forward to these shoots. I enjoy them once they start but have lots of apprehension before. A part of my mind whispers that what I'm doing is wrong. That I should be a shame of making porno movies and starring in them. But there's another stronger part of my mind that likes to believe that my videos bring joy and excitement to some people's life. And that it's worth all the dirty looks I get in the bars and being somewhat ostracized by some local clicks in the bars. I know just how important my website and videos are to some people (usually from out of town and even out of the country) because they come up to me and tell me so or e-mail. And hell, I enjoy the website. Wish I could do a better job and have to keep pushing myself to do a better one. And even if making the video are somewhat painful for me, I'm going to keep making them, and try to make better one.

There's a guy in Fort Lauderdale that wants to join me and put some money into my efforts to make videos, but I just can't bring myself to take on a partner even one with deep pockets. I have to be in control of my website and my movies! I got burned with my first partner when I started out making videos. He provided a professional camera and worked as the camera man. He was suppose to edit the video with his professional editing equipment and pulled out at the last moment. That's after I had sold many copies in a preproduction sale! And there I as with no camera, no edition equipment and no knowledge of editing a movie, no movie! Well, I bought the equipment I need on the cheap and quickly taught myself the skills needed. The out come was "Older Men-Take One" and I think it is a hell of a good video. But, I don't want to go through something like that again, and I not saying that the guy would pull out. He's a very nice man and his word is his bond, but still, I feel that I have to keep in control. I'm not interested in making a big budget video with paid porno stars. I'm just interested in making video in which guys that lover older men can view them having sex with other older men.

Wednesday 10:08 10/8/03

Went to the gym alone today and had fun. There was a man in the locker room that I had seen exercising but never in the locker room. He looked to be in his 80's and is tall and big boned with a bald head. Surprisingly his dick was uncut. Really don't see to many uncut dicks here as the condo complex is heavily Jewish. The old man's dick had a tight fitting foreskin. I love his dick. It was long and fairly thick. He was dressing when I entered the locker room. I took a seat opposite him and make like I was changing into my bath suit but actually looking directly at the old man's dick. I got a long good look at his beautiful uncut dick. And then he stood up to pull his shorts on and pulled them up until only his dick was hanging out. The old man paused got busy trying to get something out of the pocket of his shorts and just left his dick hanging out in plain sight. Damn it was beautiful. He took a real long time to finally pull his shorts high enough that his dick disappeared into his shorts. And then I went in the sauna and set beside another old man that was also in his eighties. His dick was short and cut and I sat there and stared at it until the heat of the sauna drove me out. Oh, I really didn't do much working out, only working on looking at for old men's dicks and in that sense it was a great work out.

Went to Dania for the shoot with Ron. Was good. He has big balls and a nice dick. I'll post some pictures of him and me having sex in the photo section tomorrow. I will also put in e-mail address with his pictures so that people interested can get in touch with him.

After the shoot meet Dieter at Tropics for a drink. It wasn't too busy but there were some great looking old men that I hadn't seen before. Tropics is really a nice bar. I enjoy our brief visit. Now that we live out in Coconut Creek, I limit my drinking even more than before. We had two cars so I wouldn't let Dieter have but two drinks also.

Still getting software installed on the new computer and trying to get it so that I can switch back and forth between the two when ever I need to and still be able to perform the same task on each. But it's net easy as different software came on the new computer.

Got to get my ass in gear and write another story for the website. But sometimes is so hard to force myself to start a new story. Once I get going it's ok, but just writing those first few words takes a lot of will power.

When I looked those new faces of old men in Tropics, I couldn't help but lust after a few of them. And I saw the skinny old man that used to work at Publics. I am still hot for him. But Dieter had just arrived when I walked in the bar so I didn't have a chance to speak to the guy. I really want to have sex with him. He reminds me of my father so much. And I can tell he has a big dick!

But as Dieter and I was having dinner tonight, I really realized looking across the table how lucky I am to have someone like him. I'll tell you, that if something happens to him, I'll be one lost person. I just hope that he outlives me!

Thursday 10:21 10/9/03

The gym was wonderful today. I got to see two more old men naked that I hadn't see before. I know you are not suppose to generalize, but I am beginning to think that Jewish men tend to have large balls. Sure I seen a few in the locker room with small balls, but  most of the old Jewish men I have seen naked in the locker have big balls. And I love it. Of the two guys that I saw naked today I most liked the one that I watched through the window of the sauna undressing and putting on his jock strap and then his shorts. He had a short dick but the head of his dick was huge! And of course he balls were large and low hanging. And damn he looked sexy in his jock strap with the outline of his huge dick head showing. The second old man came in the sauna while I was inside. He had big stocky legs with bulging veins but his face was nice and he too had a short cut dick with big low hanging balls. I talked to him for a while as we set naked in the sauna. I also saw the dark tanned old man that I saw the first couple of times. He was friendly. I see him around the pool all the time. He has a very short dick and small balls (see there goes my theory about Jewish me having big balls). I must say that I enjoy going to the gym alone as I can talk to the old men and start getting to know them. And even if I never have sex with any of them, I will continue to enjoy seeing them naked.

And today I did work out in the gym. In fact I had a good workout. But it was hard working out when my mind was on the locker room wondering how many naked old men I was missing seeing. It's like when you are at Tropics and you don't see anyone that appears to you and suddenly you start thinking about Chardee's and just knowing in your mind the guy you are hoping to meet must surly be there. And you rush over (how many time have you witnessed people hurrying back and forth between Chardee's and Tropics). Well that's the same feeling I had while I was exercising. I just can't get cock off my mind! And I'm not going to try.

Started a story for the website today. Hope to finish it tomorrow. Once I start writing a story it not difficult finishing it. It's just getting started that difficult. Also I have to get another story on my early years going.

I continue having problems with my new computer. It will not recognize my camcorder! So can't upload my tapes to it and use it to edit movie. Pisses me off. Will kept trying to figure out what's wrong.

In the mornings I am all full of hope that I really have a good day. Write a great story. Maybe get an appointment to take someone's picture for the website. But seems that things never go the way you want them. Seems problems always pop up. Someone did call me from my ad in Hot Spots. He sounded like an older man. He said he was calling about my ad in Hot Spots. I asked if he was interested in me taking his picture for my website (that's what the ad is about) and he said no. I asked why he was calling. There was silence. I hung up. I don't run a escort service but some people think I do. They think they can come into town and call me and I'll rush to have sex with them...will never happen!

Sunday 10:04 10/12/03

I have to sneak out of bed sometimes in the mornings. Dieter always wants sex. I like sex too but have to be in the mood to have it with him. After 20 years of having sex with the same person it sometimes take a little outside stimulate to get the excitement back into having sex with him. It's not that I don't enjoy sex with Dieter, I do! But I also can't help yearning to have sex with other old men. Wish I could have sex with him and never have sex with anyone else, but that's not realistic. I'm just have to roam a little. I wonder if others who have long time lovers feel the same way. I think there are basically two kind of partners, those like Frank and Dieter that never stray from their partners and those like me that have such an inner lust for old men (in my case) that they are driven to seek out sex partners outside of their long term relationship. I guess you would call us sex addicts! Sounds dirty doesn't it. Well, maybe it's just simple basic sexual instincts that are stronger in us than in others. Oh, I could possibly never had sex with anyone but Dieter again, but the desire to have sex with other old men would always be there inside of me. I would always have that terrible craving. And I'd have to do a lot of jacking off and fantasizing to keep from having sex outside of our relationship.

On Sundays, my thoughts always seem to turn inward. Seems to be a day of reflections for me. Lately I seem to revert back to my childhood on Sundays. I watch science fiction movies like I was a kid again. I watched Smallville tonight and then the new Tarzan series. And hell if I didn't enjoy both shows. My brother and I grew up reading Tarzan books and dreaming of owning wild animals. We would even save up our lunch money in a jar and take it out every night and count the dimes and nickels and scour over the list of wild animals in a catalogue we had sent off for. Well we never saved enough money, but we spend lots of hours dreaming of owning some of the animals in the catalogue.

My brother! Now there's a story. I should write a book about him one of these days. He was my younger brother only in years. As I was a slower learner and fall two grads in elementary school while he was lightening fast. He was every thing I wasn't. Good looking, articulate, fearless, and able to pick up girls anytime he wanted. We grew up as close as any brothers could.

I remember after moving to New York City in 1969 and sitting with him in a bar in Queens and finally telling him I was gay. I cried at the time and we hugged. From then on I didn't have to hide anything from him. He visited Frank and me for dinner often. And after Frank died he came up to New Hampshire to visit me and Dieter at the motel. Yes, we were very close. That's why it came as a complete shock to me after his death in a motor cycle accident in June of 1987 when I was cleaning out his locker and found all the gay magazines. He was gay, well at the very least bi-sexual, all his life and never told me! All these years he let me think he was straight when in fact he was getting fucked by big dick young dudes in sleazy bars in New York City. The point is that you never know someone totally, not your mother, your father, your brother or even your lover. If you think you know everything about them then your fooling yourself. Dieter's will never know me totally nor will anyone else. Yes, on Sundays I always think of the past and reflect inward

Monday 9:09 P.M. 10/13/03

I cheat this morning. I went to the gym but didn't exercise. I went directly to the showers and took a shower. Afterward as I was drying off, I got to watch  a nice old man that I have been admiring since I first started at the gym as he toweled himself off. He's got a killer golden tan. And he's damn handsome, with thinning white hair, deep blue eyes and a hairy body. He looks in his late 70's is a little over weights and limps. His chest is covered with thick gray hair. His ass has thick dark hair. I love his dick. It's cut with a big cock head nettled in a thick patch of gray pubic hair that totally hides his balls. He always say hi to me. Damn, I would love to give him some pleasure. I didn't notice a wedding ring on his finger. I do hope to see lots more of him, but he's shy. It's hard to catch him naked.

I saw three more old men naked that I hadn't see before. Got a long look at one with a possible uncut dick, it had some foreskin but maybe not enough to be considered uncut. His dick was fairly long and like I said I got to stare at it for several minutes in the sauna a couple of times.

I also saw L... the little old guy with the big dick and big low hanging balls. He spoke to me. I don't know if you was being friendly or if he spoke because I was looking so intently at him. I really hope to make friends with him. He can hardly hear so it's a problem talking to him. He so skinny and frail looking yet he works out every day in the gym. I bet I could make that old pecker of his stand to attention if he would only let me.

All in all it was a very nice morning, even though I didn't get any action. I don't expect action every day in the gym. In fact I think the action is going to be few and far between, but if I keep going and at different times, I'll meet those interested in playing around soon or later.

Post a new story today called Fat Old Faggot. Really enjoyed writing it, which probably means that no one will like it. Seems that when I write stores that I personally enjoy writing no body like them. Then I'll write what I think is a piece of shit and everyone reads. I can tell how many times as story is read. I used to follow that closely but I don't anymore. I just write what I feel like writing and post them.

Dieter and I meet Sal and Irwin for pizza tonight. I do enjoy being with them. I really want to have sex with Irwin. I love his short thick dick and his big balls. He's 78 and horny all the time. He said he visited Chardee's last Friday. It was one of the few times he didn't get picked up. Sal was home with his young roofer friend.

Tuesday 9:27 P.M.

Didn't go to the gym today. Had sex with Dieter this morning and so wasn't horny enough to make the effort. Tomorrow will go and hopefully will see some new old men naked.

I'm depressed today. Don't know why. Had lots of orders come in and even wrote another story, the second installment of "Fat Faggot". Guess writing sometimes depresses me. Seems to take so much out of me. And then not to be able to get it right bothers me. I want to write another novel but don't know if I can finish one if I start it. Maybe it's just better if I keep writing short things.

I'm on icuii. Name is oldbuthung. I used to have a picture in my profile of me showing a roaring hard on that looked gigantic. Got tons of responses, mostly from guy too young to interest me but got some nice dick pictures that I enjoyed looking at as long as I don't see how young their faces looked. But this week I changed my profile picture to a G-rated one. Now I don't get many responses. But it's better now. Got tried of people sending me messages just because they think I have a big dick.

To be honest, I'm only on icuii to advertise my website and videos. Don't care about chatting with people, even nice looking older men. Why? Because nothing is going to happen. I don't play online. Am not going to sneak away and meet any of these people no matter how good looking and nice they sound. And also know for a fact that developing a relationship with someone through the mail or e-mail and even qm's isn't usually productive. Been there done that and learned that anyone can be anything on the web. It's only when you meet them in real time that the bubble burst. Don't need that. Don't need to get involved. Don't want internet friends. Don't have time for them and their questions. God, I sound like a nasty old man myself.

You know what I am? Believe it or not... lonely! Strange isn't it. Me lonely. But it's true. I live in front of the computer. I don't see anyone most of the day except Dieter unless I go out. I do see old guys at the gym but they don't really talk to me except for some of them saying hello. Even when Dieter and I go out to the bars, I don't talk to people very often.

Oh, I get to go out and take pictures of people but is sort of impersonal in a way. I might even have sex with them but that's it.  Wham bam thank you mamma sort of thing. Doesn't mean anything to them. That's fine because I don't want to get involved with them either.

No, I guess the truth is that I would like to get involved with someone. Like one of the married old men in the gym. Someone I could talk to and have sex occasionally with. Get involved with but not so much that it would affect my relationship with Dieter. Oh, quite dreaming. It's not going to happen. Sure I might finally have sex with one of these old men but that's probably be as far as it'll ever go.

Yes, I'm lonely and will stay that way.

Tuesday 5:10 P.M.

Again I didn't exercise! Got to stop doing that! Got to make myself exercise, but how can I when I can be spending my time looking at naked old men. Got to see several toweling off after taking showers and some more in the sauna. And got to watch the old men that wears a jock strap under his bathing suit get dressed again. He got a big headed uncut dick and some big beautiful balls. Damn I think I seen more old men with big balls since I started going to the gym here at Wynmoor than I've seen my entire life. ALL MOST ALL OF THE OLD MEN HERE HAVE BIG BALLS! Scouts Honor! Never seen so many old men with cut dicks and big balls! Well, as I was saying I was sitting in the sauna and got to watch the old man undress and then put on his jock strap! What a thrill. But the way his hands shakes I think he might have Parkinson's disease.

And then an old man that I hadn't seen before came in the sauna. He was deep tanned with a chest full of gray hair. I couldn't take my eyes off him as he set in the sauna. His big balls were pushed so high from sitting on the bench that I couldn't see his dick. I stared at his balls wanting to reach out and touch them. They were beautiful. Then before he left he stood up right in front of me and I didn't care if he noticed or not, I just stared as his nice dick and his big balls until he left the sauna.

I had to stop at the post office at Coral Ridge Mall and of course ducked in the bathroom beside the Silverfox Restaurant. And this time luck was on my side. An old man with thinning gray hair and a reddish complexion was taking a piss. I didn't care if he was gay or not, I just stared at his dick. It was uncut and moon white. He saw me watching him and started playing with it. I played with mine and in a few seconds both of us were rock hard. I leaned over and pulled the old man foreskin back and begin to suck on his red dick head. I swear I no more than took his dick in my mouth and he shoot off! I loved it. I like guys that shoot of quick.

We went to Tropics.

I spotted a skinny little old man with a full head of white hair that I had seen many time in Chardee's. I sort of kept an eye on him and after we had finished our meal I looked around and he wasn't at the table. So I quickly excused myself and went to the bathroom hoping he was there. He was drying his hands as I walked up to one of the two urinal next to him and took my dick out and started playing with it. He looked over at me and then walked over to the urinal beside me and took his dick out. He play with my dick while I played with his. Then I leaned over and suck a moment on his big cut dick. But I knew that Dieter would miss me so I had to stop sucking him. As I was leaving the old man stopped me at the bathroom door and kissed me passionately. He said he wanted to see me again, but I told him I couldn't get away. Damn that was a hot encounter that left me horny. I haven't jacked off since I returned to the condo but I will later. In fact I was so hot I walked around on the porch naked even though there was an old man dressed in black sitting under the roof near at the pool. He seemed to be looking my way so I started playing with me dick. I swear he was watching me jacking off on the porch. I would have shoot off but some women came to the pool and I had to put my shorts back on.

Damn, what a hot horny day! I'll either jack off tonight or have sex with Dieter.

Thursday 7:13 P.M. 10/16/03

Well, I didn't jack off last night. I woke Dieter up around 2:A.M. and we had hot heavy sex. But was still as horny as hell this morning. I waited late to go to the gym. Didn't go until 11:30 A.M. and it paid off as I saw some new old men naked. One was skinny and undressed in the shower area. He even struck up a conversation with me but when he saw that I was looking at his dick he fell silent. He had a nice slim but long dick.

Saw the old guy in the jock strap again. I surely would love to suck on his BIG dick head. And his moon pale ass it so inviting! There was another old man what was moonscape white too with an ever nicer ass, but his dick was shorter and the head of his dick wasn't as big, but again he had those big balls that I have come to expect from Wynmoor men.

Also saw the tall big boned old man with the bald head undress again. He's the one with the long uncut dick with tight foreskin. Love his long dick. Would enjoy seeing it hard. And again I didn't exercise. Damn it! I just can't force myself into the exercise room when I can be in the locker room, sauna or shower area looking at naked old men! But I am sure that word will get around that I'm looking at dicks. Oh, well, I don't mind being the gym's token faggot if I'm going to get that name just looking at dicks. They can't stop me from looking. But, I'm really not worried. They just probably think I'm coming there for the sauna. Nothing wrong with that.

I have such an urge to expose myself to some of the old men in my building. Especially after the old guy watching me from the pool yesterday. When Dieter goes shopping I walking around the apartment with only my t-shirt on and with the blinds wide open. But I'm afraid that the windows of the porch are slightly tinted and it's very difficult for people to see inside. And our building sets at an angle to the next building so there's no apartment directly across from ours. Still I usually stay up after Dieter goes to bed and again last night I pulled off my shorts and walked around the lighted apartment with only my t-shirt on. Maybe I'll stir up a little excitement in some of the old single women or better yet some of the old married men that isn't getting any from their wives anymore. Hey, you can't say I'm not trying.

I hope that my meeting that chubby old man last Saturday isn't a fluke. I haven't seen him since. Maybe he comes only on Saturdays. I didn't get a change to talk to him. Hopefully if I see him again I'll get to ask him a few questions. But I still think the way he was acting and how he knew how to watch out for people entering the shower area that it's not the first time he has played with someone in the shower area. At least I hope there is a lot more playing around going on. I'm trying to go to the gym at different times so that I get exposed to as many different old men as possible. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

Friday 6:55 P.M. 10/17/03

Well I got some bad news first thing this morning. Paypal sent me an e-mail saying that because of the mature content on my website they were freezing my account! Well, I knew that when e-bay bought Paypal they would move to get rid of all the porno site. They review my website today and determined that the content was "Mature". So, I can no longer take payment through Paypal for  videos or subscriptions. I have been going through my PayPal files canceling all subscription made through Paypal to make sure that Paypal can't charge them when their present subscription is expired. (Everyone that subscribe through PayPal will get an e-mail saying that their subscription has been cancelled. But please remember that your current subscription is good until it's expiration date!!!)

When you renew your subscription you will have to do so by mail!!!!

Sometime it sure seems that everyone is against me and my website. Now subscription will probably drop off as people hate to use the mail! I have reduced the subscription rate and the prices of videos to encourage people to order by mail. Will look into Yahoo pay direct and Western Union as a way to pay for videos and subscription....but for now it is through the mail.

So, I had a shitty day! Did get to the gym around 4:30 P.M. but didn't see anyone naked! That's the way the day has gone!

Maybe tomorrow will be better... hopefully I'll be in a better mood.

Sunday 9:52 10/19/03